Mish Mash of Man Moments

I have quite a few things on my mind tonight.  Let me lay out a list:

• Med Assistant Externship and tests
• Going back for my Bachelors degree
• building a healthier lifestyle
• Top surgery (I don't think this will not be on my mind until I've had it)
• T shots
• Missing family - Having Friends 

I had previously stated this is my "transition" blog, but I feel like all of my life is a transition right now.  Between the huge move my family made just over 3 months ago, all the changes in my life, and my trans journey ... well, you get the picture.  So I will talk about the other things going on.  Read if you choose. 

I'm not going to tackle all this tonight.  That would seem like writing my autobiography and take a LONG time. And I do have a 19 month old who will be waking up and want breakfast and attention in a few hours.  :)  So I'm just going to pick 1 for now.  I'll write again tomorrow to get more off my chest.

Today's topic:  T shots

This story needs a little back detail.   

Jan 6  --  Three weeks ago, I met with my new doctor.  We talked about a lot, but specifically, we talked about trans related stuff and he agreed to put me on T - on 1 condition.  He wanted a letter from my therapist.  An understandable request, and I already had an appointment scheduled with her for 6 days later.  My doctor and I agreed to email after I had spoke with my therapist.

Jan 12 -- Met with my therapist and we spoke about my T letter.  She was willing to send it to him and stated that she would email it.  She requested a ROI letter to be filed with her office, and I didn't have a problem with that.  I filled out the paperwork while I was there and she said she would fax the letter in the next few days.

Jan 13 -- I email my doctor to tell him to expect a fax from my therapist of my T letter.

Jan 14-19 -- I hear NOTHING from my therapist or doctor.

Jan 19 -- Phone appointment with my doctor.  I expected him to have my T letter in hand.  I was wrong.  He hadn't recieved it.  I said I would place a call to my therapist.  We talked about other things (I got a referral to a trans friendly OB/GYN) and I said I'd contact him after speaking with my therapist and OB.

Jan 19 -- at roughly 4:00 pm, I emailed my therapist.  I reminded her of our conversation about the T letter, and asked her if she had a chance to write it and send it.  (I was Hoping that there was a fax machine error.)

Jan 21 -- My therapist wrote me an email at roughly 4:50pm.  She was at the airport, on her way to Hawaii for a week long vacation.  She had forgotten about my T letter.  She would write it when she was back from vacation on February 1st.  

Arrrggg!  Now there are 2 main things about all this I'm dealing with.  I have lived as I am for 30 years, and waiting another week at this point for my T letter will be ok.  But on the other hand,  I HAVE BEEN LIVING FOR 30 FUCKING YEARS AS A MAN IN A WOMAN'S BODY!  I DON'T WANT TO WAIT ANOTHER GD WEEK BECAUSE OF HER FORGETFULNESS!!

Whew, that was cleansing.  

Seriously though, it will be around a month from when my doctor and I talked about T till she gets him my letter, and then I have to deal with another office visit and such.  It's not horrible in the scheme of things, but it is frustrating.

As I'm finishing this I'm listening to a Genius Playlist I built on iTunes.  It was based on "A Guy Named Joe" by Coyote Grace.  The playlist has a lot of thought provoking songs and lyrics in it.  Mostly what it has done to me tonight is get me excited about going to see Coyote Grace next Thursday in Seattle, and make me want to learn to play my guitar even more than I already did.  

I'll leave you with these lyrics to ponder over for the night.  

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"When I was a Boy" by Dar Williams

I won't forget when Peter Pan came to my house, took my hand
I said I was a boy; I'm glad he didn't check.
I learned to fly, I learned to fight
I lived a whole life in one night
We saved each other's lives out on the pirate's deck.

And I remember that night
When I'm leaving a late night with some friends
And I hear somebody tell me it's not safe,
someone should help me
I need to find a nice man to walk me home.

When I was a boy, I scared the pants off of my mom,
Climbed what I could climb upon
And I don't know how I survived,
I guess I knew the tricks that all boys knew.

And you can walk me home, but I was a boy, too.

I was a kid that you would like, just a small boy on her bike
Riding topless, yeah, I never cared who saw.
My neighbor come outside to say, "Get your shirt,"
I said "No way, it's the last time I'm not breaking any law."

And now I'm in this clothing store, and the signs say less is more
More that's tight means more to see, more for them, not more for me
That can't help me climb a tree in ten seconds flat

When I was a boy, See that picture? That was me
Grass-stained shirt and dusty knees
And I know things have gotta change,
They got pills to sell, they've got implants to put in,
they've got implants to remove

But I am not forgetting...that I was a boy too

And like the woods where I would creep, it's a secret I can keep
Except when I'm tired, 'cept when I'm being caught off guard
And I've had a lonesome awful day, the conversation finds its way
To catching fire-flies out in the backyard.

And so I tell the man I'm with about the other life I lived
And I say, "Now you're top gun, I have lost and you have won"
And he says, "Oh no, no, can't you see

When I was a girl, my mom and I we always talked
And I picked flowers everywhere that I walked.
And I could always cry, now even when I'm alone I seldom do
And I have lost some kindness
But I was a girl too.
And you were just like me, and I was just like you"