Spring Cleaning

I don't care that it's only february, I am starting my spring cleaning ... well at least my mind cleanse.

Seriously though, I have so much stuff running through my head.  It is a danger of being unemployed and having little activity to do outside the home.

..................... Wow ...................
I've been sitting here staring at this writing canvas for a good 5 minutes.  I'm not sure where to start, or how to explain all the crap I'm up in arms about.

Let's try this; I'll tell you about my day and see where it goes.

I actually got out of bed at a "grown-up" time this morning.  It's one of my issues.  I stay up late and sleep in a lot, and it's something I'm trying to remedy.  This morning, I managed to get out of bed at 8 am.  Now, I was motivated by a doctor's appointment at 9, but still, it's progress.  Anyways, the appointment was for an ultrasound to evaluate my PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome.)  I won't know the findings until my doctor has evaluated them, but he is anticipating our next step will be a biopsy of my uterus.  We are both pretty sure there will be cysts in my uterus and on my ovaries, but he thinks we will need to do a biopsy to make sure none of them are cancerous.  At first I was just nonchalant about all of this.  I've had the ultrasounds for this in the past, and I've even had surgery to remove cysts from my ovaries ... however, this time, I am really getting anxious about the biopsy and the thought of cancer.
 It is also not helpful that I can't start T until after the biopsy.  This fact has me frustrated.  It seems, just as I was making process in my transition, I stalled out again.  Don't get me wrong, I am NOT interested in harming myself by starting T regardless of my health.  I am just ready to move on lose some of this depression over my body and presentation.
So, depending on the ultrasound, we will decide on the biopsy (highly likely), and then decide on course of treatment.  Bad results of the biopsy will result in an immediate hysterectomy.  Acceptable results of the biopsy will result in scheduling a hysterectomy for after I have lost weight.
Either way, he agrees that between my PCOS which increases my risks for ovarian and uterian cancers and my GID, a hysterectomy is a logical and natural step.  But if the results aren't bad, he wants to wait till I have lost weight so surgery isn't to dangerous for me.

I am trying to lose weight, I am not doing a good job though.
I fall into old habits easily.  I have a hard time eating  3 meals and a few snacks.  I have a hard time keeping portion sizes down, and I have a hard time keeping my snacks healthy.  My meals are pretty healthy.  Frequently homemade, always vegetables, whole grain starches, healthy oils ...  But size is a HUGE issue for me.
I am also struggling with exercise.
I am an instant gratification person, and exercise doesn't fulfill that.  So I too easily talk myself out of doing it.  I also have excuses about finding time, messing up Lucy's schedule, and dealing with my GID at the gym.
God, I feel like I'm whining.
It is just a complex issue in my life.
I need to just do it.
I will just do it.
I AM GOING TO DO IT!
 *I'll keep you updated on this*

I can't finish my cleanse tonight.  I've helped with a few issues, but it just freshens the issues and boils them.  I have a lot to think about now ... again.

Oh well, tis the circle of life.