Did you miss me? .... Actually, are there any "you's" out there?
Ah well, it won't stop me from writing. To myself, to others, I'm all about getting things off my chest and making space in my brain.
My last few weeks have been quite busy. Our little trio travelled to the other side of the U.S. to visit my girlfriends family. My baby has been sick 3 times in less than 2 weeks (MMR vaccine reaction, teething fevers for 3-4 days, a viral and fungal infection at the same time).
Even Thursday night we took an emergency trip to the Vet Clinic with our cat. (She had an absess in her scent gland near her anus and it burst and it needed to be cleaned and treated with meds.)
Things seem to be evening back out and going back to our normal state of slightly abnormal. :)
However, my issues right now are pressing ever harder on my mind and I seem to run into walls around every corner.
Transitions from female to male are hard enough without having to deal with people who mean the best but don't come across respectfully.
Example: Just yesterday at school we were talking about appropriate attire for our interviews for our externships (mine is this Thursday 7/22 at noon). My teacher mentioned that skirts are the most professional for women, but to avoid the obvious abuses of too short, too slit or too tight. She continued that appropriate female slacks are also good for these interviews because of the nature of the job we will never be in skirts. She then continued on about blouses, tops and even wearing bras. (Believe it or not, there are woman who don't wear bras to job interviews. Stupid.)
I respect this teacher a lot, and I hope that we can be friends beyond school, so I asked her for some clarification. I told her that I am not a girl/woman, though I may look that way and have a woman's name. I do not own slacks, skirts, blouses or women's tops. I own polos, button-downs, men's pants, ties and jackets. I started a discussion with her about how I can find that balance between understanding they are expecting a female (the name) but they will be receiving a male (in all other aspects).
The response I got was not expected.
Teacher: Do not wear a tie! Wear your clothes, you don't want to pretend to be something you are not, but avoid trying to purposefully confuse them. Wear men's clothes, dress professionally, then pull it together with a string of pearls, earrings or some makeup so they can connect the dots.
*not an exact quote*
So now I'm stewing. I'm not angry, but I am very confused. I want to be ME! I am Elijah Henry ... I am a man.
I am moving into a huge new stage of my life, and I am hoping I can line all the pieces up. I want to be professionally known as me, not the woman I "lived" as previously.
My name change is nowhere near complete.
I haven't had my first session with a therapist yet.
I am pre-T.
I am pre-Op.
But I am a MAN! None of that stuff changes who I know I am.
Where do I find that line though? The line between me and the professional entity I must live with for now?
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