T-minus 8 days and counting down ...
Next Wednesday, Oct 13th around 6:45pm, my little family unit is flying away from the city we've called home for years and trekking across country.
It was a pretty intense situation making this decision for our family. We knew it would be hard (on us and others) and we know it won't be perfect, but we felt it was the time in our life to make the leap.
I just wanted to take the time to thank all my family and friends for the support and love through this hard process. I know you will each deal in different ways, but I also know we will all eventually find peace and understanding.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Absence makes the heart grow fonder
Did you miss me? .... Actually, are there any "you's" out there?
Ah well, it won't stop me from writing. To myself, to others, I'm all about getting things off my chest and making space in my brain.
My last few weeks have been quite busy. Our little trio travelled to the other side of the U.S. to visit my girlfriends family. My baby has been sick 3 times in less than 2 weeks (MMR vaccine reaction, teething fevers for 3-4 days, a viral and fungal infection at the same time).
Even Thursday night we took an emergency trip to the Vet Clinic with our cat. (She had an absess in her scent gland near her anus and it burst and it needed to be cleaned and treated with meds.)
Things seem to be evening back out and going back to our normal state of slightly abnormal. :)
However, my issues right now are pressing ever harder on my mind and I seem to run into walls around every corner.
Transitions from female to male are hard enough without having to deal with people who mean the best but don't come across respectfully.
Example: Just yesterday at school we were talking about appropriate attire for our interviews for our externships (mine is this Thursday 7/22 at noon). My teacher mentioned that skirts are the most professional for women, but to avoid the obvious abuses of too short, too slit or too tight. She continued that appropriate female slacks are also good for these interviews because of the nature of the job we will never be in skirts. She then continued on about blouses, tops and even wearing bras. (Believe it or not, there are woman who don't wear bras to job interviews. Stupid.)
I respect this teacher a lot, and I hope that we can be friends beyond school, so I asked her for some clarification. I told her that I am not a girl/woman, though I may look that way and have a woman's name. I do not own slacks, skirts, blouses or women's tops. I own polos, button-downs, men's pants, ties and jackets. I started a discussion with her about how I can find that balance between understanding they are expecting a female (the name) but they will be receiving a male (in all other aspects).
The response I got was not expected.
Teacher: Do not wear a tie! Wear your clothes, you don't want to pretend to be something you are not, but avoid trying to purposefully confuse them. Wear men's clothes, dress professionally, then pull it together with a string of pearls, earrings or some makeup so they can connect the dots.
*not an exact quote*
So now I'm stewing. I'm not angry, but I am very confused. I want to be ME! I am Elijah Henry ... I am a man.
I am moving into a huge new stage of my life, and I am hoping I can line all the pieces up. I want to be professionally known as me, not the woman I "lived" as previously.
My name change is nowhere near complete.
I haven't had my first session with a therapist yet.
I am pre-T.
I am pre-Op.
But I am a MAN! None of that stuff changes who I know I am.
Where do I find that line though? The line between me and the professional entity I must live with for now?
Ah well, it won't stop me from writing. To myself, to others, I'm all about getting things off my chest and making space in my brain.
My last few weeks have been quite busy. Our little trio travelled to the other side of the U.S. to visit my girlfriends family. My baby has been sick 3 times in less than 2 weeks (MMR vaccine reaction, teething fevers for 3-4 days, a viral and fungal infection at the same time).
Even Thursday night we took an emergency trip to the Vet Clinic with our cat. (She had an absess in her scent gland near her anus and it burst and it needed to be cleaned and treated with meds.)
Things seem to be evening back out and going back to our normal state of slightly abnormal. :)
However, my issues right now are pressing ever harder on my mind and I seem to run into walls around every corner.
Transitions from female to male are hard enough without having to deal with people who mean the best but don't come across respectfully.
Example: Just yesterday at school we were talking about appropriate attire for our interviews for our externships (mine is this Thursday 7/22 at noon). My teacher mentioned that skirts are the most professional for women, but to avoid the obvious abuses of too short, too slit or too tight. She continued that appropriate female slacks are also good for these interviews because of the nature of the job we will never be in skirts. She then continued on about blouses, tops and even wearing bras. (Believe it or not, there are woman who don't wear bras to job interviews. Stupid.)
I respect this teacher a lot, and I hope that we can be friends beyond school, so I asked her for some clarification. I told her that I am not a girl/woman, though I may look that way and have a woman's name. I do not own slacks, skirts, blouses or women's tops. I own polos, button-downs, men's pants, ties and jackets. I started a discussion with her about how I can find that balance between understanding they are expecting a female (the name) but they will be receiving a male (in all other aspects).
The response I got was not expected.
Teacher: Do not wear a tie! Wear your clothes, you don't want to pretend to be something you are not, but avoid trying to purposefully confuse them. Wear men's clothes, dress professionally, then pull it together with a string of pearls, earrings or some makeup so they can connect the dots.
*not an exact quote*
So now I'm stewing. I'm not angry, but I am very confused. I want to be ME! I am Elijah Henry ... I am a man.
I am moving into a huge new stage of my life, and I am hoping I can line all the pieces up. I want to be professionally known as me, not the woman I "lived" as previously.
My name change is nowhere near complete.
I haven't had my first session with a therapist yet.
I am pre-T.
I am pre-Op.
But I am a MAN! None of that stuff changes who I know I am.
Where do I find that line though? The line between me and the professional entity I must live with for now?
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Gettin' it done
I had a super productive weekend!
Friday my Underworks binder came in the mail. I am SO happy! I feel so much more confident already.
I also went with my wife to the movies. We left the kid with my folks (she's one) and went and saw Toy Story 3. It was fun, though I felt like an idiot because I cried at the end. :P
After the movie, we headed to pick up the kid, and we hung out with my folks for a little while talking and I TOLD THEM! I feel so much weight lifted off me! They are absolutely understanding. My mom said she always realized I wasn't comfortable with who I was and it makes sense to her. They of course admitted it will take them time to "transition" as well, but their acceptance and understanding is powerful.
We also chatted about names. I was still having a difficult time choosing a name, and we discussed what some options are. My mom kept threatening to name me after my dad like she was going to do if I was "born male." After some razzing though she said I didn't feel like a "Keith" and that she'd think about names, but nothing was jumping at her.
AFter some more conversations with my wife, and a close friend, I came across a name I like. I played with the flow a little and choose a middle name and I am feeling REALLY good about it now!
I've chosen Elijah Henry.
I really like Eli as a nickname and my wife liked the idea of Elijah as a full name. Then Sunday morning at Church, it solidified it when we heard a sermon about Elijah and Elisha, 2 prophets. The really moving sermon seemed to smack me in the face and I was hooked.
I chose Henry for my great-grandfather on my father's side. He was a calm, loving and thoughtful man who passed away a few years ago. I miss him, and I love honoring him this way. (Made my dad smile too.)
So now I can introduce the real me and take my first steps toward happiness.
Till next time,
Eli
Friday my Underworks binder came in the mail. I am SO happy! I feel so much more confident already.
I also went with my wife to the movies. We left the kid with my folks (she's one) and went and saw Toy Story 3. It was fun, though I felt like an idiot because I cried at the end. :P
After the movie, we headed to pick up the kid, and we hung out with my folks for a little while talking and I TOLD THEM! I feel so much weight lifted off me! They are absolutely understanding. My mom said she always realized I wasn't comfortable with who I was and it makes sense to her. They of course admitted it will take them time to "transition" as well, but their acceptance and understanding is powerful.
We also chatted about names. I was still having a difficult time choosing a name, and we discussed what some options are. My mom kept threatening to name me after my dad like she was going to do if I was "born male." After some razzing though she said I didn't feel like a "Keith" and that she'd think about names, but nothing was jumping at her.
AFter some more conversations with my wife, and a close friend, I came across a name I like. I played with the flow a little and choose a middle name and I am feeling REALLY good about it now!
I've chosen Elijah Henry.
I really like Eli as a nickname and my wife liked the idea of Elijah as a full name. Then Sunday morning at Church, it solidified it when we heard a sermon about Elijah and Elisha, 2 prophets. The really moving sermon seemed to smack me in the face and I was hooked.
I chose Henry for my great-grandfather on my father's side. He was a calm, loving and thoughtful man who passed away a few years ago. I miss him, and I love honoring him this way. (Made my dad smile too.)
So now I can introduce the real me and take my first steps toward happiness.
Till next time,
Eli
Friday, June 25, 2010
overwhelmed and planning changes
So I have decided a couple things I will do in the next week or so.
* tell my parents about my transition
* start "Couch to 5k" program
* begin savings account for top surgery
* move "benefits" to the top of my priority list during a job search
* find a couselor/therapist
In one way or another, all of these things will make me feel better and feel like me. I have been a little down on myself lately, as I am overwhelmed at the price of top surgery. It's not horrible, but it makes me scared if I'll ever be able to save for it.
I have to get my head on straight. I have a lot going on and focusing on everything at once is getting me nowhere. Take each thing as it comes and prioritize the rest.
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Tuesday, June 22, 2010
test
forgive my lameness for a second, but im testing postimg from my phone. :P
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Sunday, June 20, 2010
In the beginning ...
My outlet of choice is writing. And the events of my life, particularly the last 2 weeks, provided a lot of fuel for me to write out about.
It started simply with a video on Youtube and exploded into books, movies and many late nights online doing research.
Things have culminated in the fact that I now understand myself to be Transgender.
I am starting my transition here.
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